as much as I like to complain....

As much as I like to complain about the flat, pinkish brownness that surrounds me, there really is some beauty to the land that I now call home.








Last weekend my baby brother whom I call "Ren" drove down from Utah with his entire family to spend a couple days with us. I can't tell you how over the top excited we were to have family come to visit.

In preparation for this long awaited event we decided to paint during Greg's Spring Break...the problem was...I couldn't make a decision on color. We went shopping at Target and found 3 pillows that caught my eye and so we decided to use that color scheme. We went to Home Depot and grabbed every swatch that was even close and headed back to Target to match the pillows. With the 3 swatches decided on...we headed back to Home Depot and bought all of the paint. BIG mistake. We decided to start on the entry way, living room and hall way since this was to be the main neutral color that would tie this whole color scheme together. A few hours later after all the prep was well under way...Greg got on his ladder and began the long awaited transformation. It was a little too bold at first, but he forged on. As the day light hours turned in to dark...the color went from a..."wow this is bold, but I'll get used to it"...to," I'll never get used to this it reminds me of a color that we only see when we're sick". I tried to hold back my disappointment (after all...I had bought all that paint and Greg was working so hard), but Greg knew what I was thinking. He assured me that it was going to be okay. So we cleaned up and planned to pick right back up the next morning.

Well...the morning came to me only a couple hours later. It was yet another one of those times when I wake up in a panic and can't get back to sleep. This stupid paint was really bugging me. Greg awoke a few hours later, came in to comfort me and sat down...took a look back at the job he'd done and turned to me and said...I think you're right...let's start over. So we got ourselves dressed and headed back to Home Depot to pick another color. So we went with something that was several shades lighter and a little bit of a different shade...something that we were sure would not remind us of that unmentionable sickness.

As we began painting...we were so refreshed with this lighter, calmer color. We frantically worked as we were behind a whole day now with this change of plans. As we continued to paint, my heart started to slowly sink. We went from color that we only see when we're sick, to silly puddy...do yo remember that color? It's kind of a light brown, but kind of pink. We were painting our walls PINK!

We finished painting the entry way, living room and down the hallway in "silly puddy". Learning from our mistake, we bought 3 quarts of different colors for our kitchen and just painted big swatches to test them out. NONE of them were going to work...not with this "silly puddy". So...I called the project off. We cleaned up all the drop clothes, cleaned up the brushes and packed it all way...I didn't want to proceed forward until I had gotten used to the color and decided how to proceed with the rest of the house.

So...instead of impressing Ren and family with our nice inviting home, we only reiterated how indecisive I can be (we left the different swatches in the kitchen). But we didn't let this "silly puddy" and patchwork kitchen affect our time together with family. We had a GREAT time...well at least I did. I was in heaven with them here.

The first day Gabe took us all up to the lake to ride quads. This is where the pictures of Jessica and Mia were taken. Yes...there was enough rain in the desert this year to bring out all these beautiful desert flowers. It was actually a breath taking sight to see. Even though there are only two quads...I think there was a good time had by all.

The next two days we went to 2 different Spring Training games. We first saw the Angels vs Padres in Tempe and although it's a cool park and were amazingly close to the players, the park was too crowded and it was just too dang hot. The next day we saw the Dodgers vs. the Brewers in Phoenix and this park was bigger and there was shade...we had a great time.



Each evening, Greg bbq'd and we all ate and talked and ate and talked and just enjoyed each others company. I had such a good time...I didn't want to see them go. I sure wish we all lived closer. But since we don't, I think it would be a nice to try to get together a couple times a year...maybe they can come down to get a break from the cold and snow during Spring Training season and we can head up there during the summer to get out of the heat.

We sure love our family and we were so happy to enjoy the beauty of the desert flowers and the fun of Spring Training with them!

it's always something....

"if it's not one thing...it's another, but it's always something". I'm always stressed or worried about something. My stomach is in knots, I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and I can't get it out of my head.

A week and a half ago my fellow desert co-worker (Blake) called me bright and early to warn me that he was sure he was being let go. He continued by warning me that his termination would most likely affect my employment status. It was a kick in the gut. Although I had been pretty unhappy with my employment for a number of reason and had been actively talking to a competitor for what I hope is a better fit for me...it never occurred to me that Physician's Trust would beat me to the punch and let me go before I let them go. I spent the next 4 days trying to read behind the lines of ever eMail and conversation between each of my California co-workers and supervisors. At times I was sure Blake was right...at other times I was sure he was wrong. Even when I got an eMail that I was to meet one of my bosses at Starbucks Fri, Feb 29th to talk about "their future plans for Arizona"...I was still puzzled. Needless to say I didn't sleep on Thursday night. I woke up Friday morning and I did the only thing I could do to calm my nerves. I knelt down and prayed for comfort.

I knew it was going to be a long day waiting for my 3:00pm meeting to come around. I couldn't calm down...I spent the better part of the day analyzing the events of the past couple weeks, trying to figure out what the outcome of this meeting was going to be before I got there. 3:00 finally came, I walked in to Starbucks and sat down in front of my boss and HR. HR...what the heck?! At that moment I knew it (but why the heck did they have to spend all that money to fly 2 people out for the day to let me go?) This is when my prayers were answered...I was completely calm, the conversation was pleasant and oddly enough it was a very friendly parting of the ways.

Of course I panicked the next few days as I worried about my future and the reality that I needed to look for a job now, not just think about it. It was just 4 days later that I got a formal offer from the competitor that I'd been talking to. So in actuality getting laid off was a blessing in disguise. Because it was not my performance, but a company decision to pull out of Az...they gave me a bonus and are paying my benefits for another month. If I had quit on them, I wouldn't have gotten any of that.

So...I basically get a 2 week vacation and it just so happens to be Spring Break around here. So...with the help of Greg, we've finally decided on paint colors and we're going get as much painting done around here as we can while I have the help.

But it's always something...
A few weeks ago Rachel asked the ward choir director if she could sing a solo in church (who does that?). Tara found her some music, but told her that she'd have to find some one to accompany her because the usual accompanist would be out of town. So...just because it's been a silent goal of mine to get back on the piano, I started practicing the music. I told Rachel I'd practice for a week and let her know if I thought I could do it....a week went by and I neglected to tell her that although I was learning the song...there was NO WAY I could play it in public. My mind was not on music, my mind was on being employed...I let the week go by and didn't say anything. With March 9th quickly approaching it was too late to ask someone else to play. So...needless to say...I wake up in another panic this morning because I'm a nervous wreck to play this piece in public. I just know I'm going to get up there and go blank!

At least I'm employed....

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

We have so much to be grateful for....for this reason this past holiday season we sent out Thanksgiving cards rather than the usual Christmas card. We couldn't let the season pass us by with out expressing our gratitude to all the family members and friends who have so graciously and unconditionally loved and supported us in a multitude of ways through a rather challenging year. We are so blessed to have such an amazing circle of support around us. Through all of this we have learned to more fully appreciate our health and minds and the things that we have and have grown closer to each other.

We love you all